I would hope that anyone reading this knows that the day after a holiday is often much more important than the holiday itself. If you don’t, I’ll explain why: all the candy is half off. So Monday night, Mike and I made our trek to the grocery store to obtain some precious discounted Reeses eggs. After a lot of wandering, we finally found the “discounted Easter shit” table right by the entrance to the store (there are two entrances, dammit) and stocked up on Reeses eggs. It’s a good thing Mike wanted to look closer to make sure we weren’t missing any Cadbury Creme eggs, because if he hadn’t, I never would have seen these:
Easter dildos. Except they’re not supposed to be dildos at all and you’re all perverts for even thinking that. If you’re confused, look closer at the image in the upper corner. Here:
See? Not a dildo at all. Just a toy that you squeeze and the top
ejaculates er, flies across the room. And you want to be careful not to get it in anyone’s eye, because projectiles are dangerous.
And they had to go and name them “bunny rockets.” As if bunnies and rockets aren’t associated with sex toys enough as it is. In fact, you might want to check out this comparison:
Don’t these look an awful lot like these?
They’re missing the nifty textured caps, though.
I searched goodvibes.com for “bunny,” “rabbit” and “rocket.” “Bunny” got me 11 results. “Rabbit” got 26, and only some of them were overlap. “Rocket” only got 8 and one of them was a bunny. Is this so deeply ingrained in our society that we can’t create a fucking Easter toy without making dildos? Apparently. Apparently it is impossible to combine “bunny” and “rocket” and NOT get a dildo.
So we have something that is clearly a sex toy. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s double-ended. One side has thick ribbing (for your pleasure, obviously) and the other side has fancy nubs and bumps that are probably guaranteed to hit all the right spots or something like that. The plastic on the ribbed end is pretty flimsy, though, so be careful when you use it. You could squeeze it too hard, and you don’t want the tip flying off and getting anyone in the eye.
Now I have to figure out what the hell to do with four Easter dildos. Maybe I need to have a blog giveaway.
(Edited to add: “Bunny Dildo” originally brought to my attention by my friend Siren, whose post about hers might be the only reason I noticed them in the first place. Then she wrote another one after I planned this one and dammit, I was not going to not post it, but here is her second one too. It seems like there is some natural human reaction to Easter dildos.)