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Drinking and Blogging. How could this POSSIBLY go wrong?

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You may be surprised to see me say this, but I’m being completely honest. This is my first drunk post. I’m not really that big a drinker. I’m in terrible drinking shape. But I just got an email that started off all “this is long, so grab a drink and relax and read it” and I said, y’know, that’s an awesome idea. And black tea and elderflower-flavored vodka (Absolut Boston) with limeade can’t possibly go wrong. Actually, limeade can’t ever go wrong, but that’s a different story.

So this email I got was about how to start being a wedding planner. And if you’re reading this and not married, chances are, you totally want me to plan your wedding. “But Rachael, I thought you were a creative writing student!” Yeah. I am. And where has that gotten me? Well…okay, it’s sort of gotten me a blog that it seems has a decent number of readers now (hi, new people! Thanks for coming!) and might increase and I haven’t written off the option of becoming the next Bloggess. I also haven’t written off the option of becoming the next Danielle Corsetto (and if you don’t read Girls with Slingshots, go there right now and read the whole archives because then you might catch up in time for the wrap-up of the current storyline which seems to be about the disappearance of all batteries, causing sex toys to be completely useless and women around the world to think it’s the apocalypse. TRUE STORY). I also haven’t written off the option of becoming Neil Gaiman but slightly less successful because I want to actually write and not be flying around to give talks and when I fed Amanda Palmer she definitely told me that I don’t want to be her husband. (P.S. I think it’s totally fucking awesome that my favorite singer and my favorite writer got married.)

Anyway, so the point here. I swear there is one. I have to do an internship before I graduate, and I’ve failed miserably at actually looking for one up until now, and now I’m filling out the application for one and it asks: What are your long-term career goals?

How can I even answer that? I want everything. But not in the Ariel sense, because I hear she’s totally a hipster these days, and once I tried to categorize my professors from last semester into celebrity personality-alikes (because I can’t think of a word) and I ended up with Professor Wil Wheaton, Professor Abby Sciuto-I-Know-She’s-Just-A-Character (But substitute literature for science) and Professor “Oh he’s pretty underground you probably haven’t heard of him”. No lie. That’s not the point, though. The point is that I have no fucking clue what my ultimate goals are.

I mean, I’m going to have to talk to people about this. And while I make up something that sounds good (I think I’ll go with Neil Gaiman there), it’s forcing me to think about it for myself. Even worse, it’s forcing me to acknowledge that I. don’t. know.

And that’s okay. Right? How many people out there are happily doing exactly what they wanted to be happily doing when they were 23? How many people really went into a field that relates to their degree? I don’t fucking know, but I’m pretty sure there aren’t a lot of them. Maybe like 30%?

So when I graduate, I’ll probably try the wedding planning thing. I’ll probably try everything on and be a fucking Barbie except reasonably proportioned and without an eating disorder and come out of it with enough things that I can be a really good old person when the time comes, with opinions on how just about everything should be done and a strong conviction that kids these days fucking suck. And that’s what I’ll say.


In the meantime, I need to go to sleep. And get famous. You guys make me famous and I won’t have to worry about any of this shit. (You can’t tell, but I’m stressing the fuck out right now. Thank god for Booze and Ice Cream. Yes, they deserve capital letters. [I wouldn’t even know what to do with being famous. Shit. That plan isn’t as solid as I thought.])


About Rachael

Hi. I'm Rachael. I realized one day that, even though I read a lot of books, I often have a hard time remembering them later on. I guess that happens when there's so much to try to remember! So I started The 50 Book Project, with the intention to read and blog about 50 new (to me) books in 2014. I read a lot of fantasy, but I'm trying to branch out and experience new stuff. Any questions? Suggestions? Let me know! Comment, or email me at

33 responses »

  1. Ha, I understand you so damn well… I’m graduating myself in six months and I feel the same way, I have no clear idea what I want out of life.

    Heck, a part of me wants to be a famous blogger too, but then there’s this other part that would feel regret because I do like my field and I don’t know how to combine both worlds or allow them to coexist so I can melt the poles out of sheer awesomeness (or at least dent them a bit).

    Furthermore, I have no idea how to be successful in either field, which means I’m probably never gonna make any money and I will die of hunger under a bridge… luckily I’m estimating this won’t happen for another 15 months, so I at least have time to pick a nice bridge.

    If you excuse me, I’m gonna go google for bridge brochures now.

    • I fucking love my field, don’t get me wrong. The cool thing is that being a blogger would actually fit into my field. Y’know. If I dropped that Child Psych class I want to take next semester and took Creative Nonfiction, I could even say I’d been trained for it.

      What are you going to do with a bridge?

  2. Dear Sweet Mama

    I hate to pass this on, but several careers later and now in my 50’s – there are still days I don’t know what I want to be. And I really wish I had known astronaut was an option though when I was younger it really wasn’t. Best advice from an old person – make sure you can laugh some every day. Even if you are an undertaker. Because you are at work tooooo long every day and for tooooo long in your life to not have some fun. Money is nice as well, but I think the fun is more important. By the way – I am also scoping out bridges. Gonna be crowded under there.

    • Fun will definitely be the more important option about five years or so from now when Dr. Boyfriend (who, barring disaster, will then be Dr. Husband) won’t mind if I’m like “okay so I hate this job and I’m gonna go do this thing that I love and makes me happy and maybe I’ll make money and maybe I won’t.” So I probably won’t be joining all y’all under the bridge, but I’ll visit. With CUPCAKES.

      I’m more concerned with what the fuck I’ll do for those five years/until I pay off my student loans.

  3. You are right…most people are not doing what they set out to do after college. I started working full time out of high school, without graduating from college…and although I have done well in sales and marketing, its all just a job to me. In whatever field you end up in, just work your ass off and do the best you can. You’ll be able to build up your resume and can move into different areas if the one you are in doesn’t fit. Keep writing and good luck! Love reading your posts btw

    • “Keep writing” is the important thing for me. I love writing. As long as whatever job I have doesn’t drain so much out of me that I can’t keep writing, then I should be content. Thank you.

  4. Here’s the real deal — no one knows what they want to do at 23. I still don’t fully know what I want to be when I grow up, and I’m 31, a successful-enough lawyer, and married with two kids…

    The trick (I think) is to just jump into some sort of career — anything, really, as long as it’s a challenge and has room for advancement — with both feet. A lot of people wallow around and flounder for the better part of their twenties trying to “find themselves.” But, you can’t find yourself if you’re not really doing anything.

    Your first job almost certainly won’t be the end-all-be-all for you, career-wise. But, it will give you connections, experience, and a better sense of what it is that you do and don’t want in a job, even if you’re just a glorified intern at an accounting firm or whatever.

    Good luck! Like your blog, too.

    • See, people keep saying stuff like that–that no one knows what they want to do just out of college. And then I look at my boyfriend who decided he was going to be a doctor when he was six and never changed his mind and I’m just like…why can’t it be that easy for ME?!

      Because, y’know. Becoming a doctor is totally easy. Right.

  5. Wow – your readers all said the things I’ve felt about growing up in spite of never knowing what I wanted to do someday! I have ALWAYS envied actors and musicians and artists because THEY KNOW what they wanted to do! I never, ever did. I’ve done some pretty cool things in my 20 year career but right now it consists of answering the phones and making appointments and balancing a budget – the exact same job I did to pay for my college education. The advice I give to you? If you don’t have any financial obligations (or have little, comparatively – intern EVERYWHERE, You can always quit if it sucks – not like you’re getting a check. Somewhere, you might find the thing the clicks with you. That’s what happened to me – unfortunately, life also happened to me so I’m not doing that anymore – at least not yet. I”m still trying. Hang the FUCK in there girl!

    • Hmm. Unfortunately, I have this “student loan” bullshit to take care of. After that, I figure I can do what I want more, but trying to create a comic that updates daily AND write a blog that updates frequently AND write a novel sounds like I’d die, especially if I have kids, oh and then ALSO plan some weddings while I’m at it.

      I’m hanging the fuck in here. I just don’t know why yet.

  6. I’m a few years older than you and still don’t have a fucking clue either. I think winning the lottery would be nice, though. That’s as much thought as I’ve put into it.

    • I think I should revise my plan to have someone gift me a winning lottery ticket. Because I can’t spend money on that shit myself.

      And I just used “gift” as a verb and I kinda hate myself now.

  7. Wait…
    Amanda Palmer of Dresden Dolls? and Neil Gaiman? if it’s not that Amanda Palmer, it should be.

    Always aim high with your life ambition. Go with ‘Supreme World Ruler’, I’d go with ‘the next Pope’, but I think you have to be half dead, and not have a vagina to be that, although you could try for ‘first female Pope’. You could even combine wedding planner with female Pope.

    The most important thing is though, lie on the form. I’m pretty sure most people do, otherwise there’d be a lot of people writing ‘to get paid well for something I dont totally hate’.

    So far I’ve totally failed at my long term career which was to discover I was the long lost heir of some really really rich family with a castle.

    • I have a plan to take over the world. The thing is, I’ll need minions.

      And yes, it’s the same Amanda Palmer. The “of the Dresden Dolls” tells me you might not know her recent stuff, and you should definitely check it out. She has this thing where she tells people not to have a Plan B, because if you have a Plan B then you won’t really dedicate yourself to Plan A. But she doesn’t tell us what to do if we don’t know what Plan A is yet.

      • Start one of those chain letter things.

        “Josie got a crippling case of genital warts because she ignored the chance to become one of Rachael’s minions, don’t let this happen to you. Follow Rachael on twitter and send this on to seven of your most gullible friends within five minutes to save yourself from the humiliation.”

        Of course, you’d end up with minions who think they can catch genital warts from a chain letter, but it’d be a start.

        I don’t know why, but the idea of Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer getting married is just a happy.

        • Ugh, but then everyone sees my email address because nobody ever bothers to cut out that shit at the top that shows you who first sent it and to whom and then who the next person…you know. The part where you see how it got to you, and who each of those people along the way sent it to. I fucking hate that.

          I once got a forward from a friend that I’d gotten a year before from my aunt and it still had my aunt’s email signature on it. I sent out a public service announcement to delete that shit on forwards if you don’t want your business’s name associated with that picture of the girl who didn’t flush the toilet before taking her myspace pic.

  8. I’m pretty sure we are soul mates minus our incompatible anatomy. It’s okay to drink and blog it gets easier, like anal sex or producing children(so I hear). Thank you for all the laughs but most of all for helping me to not feel alone in the epic fail that is my life thus far. Keep up your awesomeitude! I’m following down your path of carnage and nonsense.

    • If you’re following a path of carnage and nonsense, your life probably isn’t an epic fail. That sounds like a win. Let’s keep winning, okay? And anatomy is for chumps.

  9. You obviously didn’t drink enough, as there were no spelling or grammatical errors. Try again! 🙂

    You’re not a failure, keep up the good work.

    • Shit. Okay. I’ll get completely shitfaced next time and see if I can make out my computer screen enough to write a blog post that makes absolutely no sense because all the words are spelled wrong, because when I get DRUNK drunk (rather than slightly tipsy), typing goes quickly.

  10. I am just now accepting that you said Amanda Palmer and Neil gaiman in the same post in relation to each other. Now I am fighting mental wood and the extreme hallucination that the Dresden Doll hottie Brian viglione can still one day be mine. Also I must now reread all the gaiman novels with Amanda as the females doing cabaret! Sorry for any grammatical mistypes I am commenting while Intoxicated! Yay for Rachel.
    Post to the script, anatomy compatibility is for rich people.

    • DON’T YOU FOLLOW THEM ON TWITTER?! They are ADORABLE. Get on it. Unless you don’t have a twitter for moral reasons, in which case, carry on.

      I don’t know if Brian’s still up for grabs or not. If I weren’t so very taken, I’d be more sad that Amanda isn’t.

  11. I graduated from Journalism (now known as Media Studies) in 1992 and wrote for magazines and newspapers. To this day, I still don’t know what the hell I want to do, but I do know it will involve talking to people and writing about it. You’ll find your way no matter which path you choose, and you’ll kick ass in the process. I can tell. You’re an ass kicker.

    • Journalism is part of Communications over at Hipster College where I am. I had no idea that was the case, and never even looked at Communications classes, until last year. Otherwise, I probably would have taken a bunch of those, too, just to have writing samples to give people. I have a feeling newspapers and magazines won’t see this blog and then hire me.

      “I’m an ass kicker.” I think that’s gonna be my new mantra.

  12. I think most people feel like this at some point in their lives. I’m lucky in that I picked occupational therapy my freshman year of college, and have stuck with it all the way so far, and I don’t feel the need to change.
    Sometimes, though, I still feel like, “why am I not more successful? I could be doing so much more right now.” I think this mostly stems from the fact that I have a job at a dining hall and am unemployed for the summer, whereas my younger sister is working in her future field (graphic design) with a nationally-renowned team at Northwestern University this summer, making $15 an hour. My sister’s 3 years younger than me, she’s not supposed to be working in her field before I am! She won’t even be a college freshman for a month and a half yet!

    • I think part of it, for me, is that Mike’s known what he wanted to do since he was 6. And he did it. He’s there. I’m still floundering for ideas.

      My brother’s the same way–just over a year younger, got crazy well-paying internships and stuff because he’s an engineer. Causes people to ask why I don’t get a well-paying internship in my field. There aren’t well-paying internships in my field. At all.

  13. I wanted to be something, too, when I was in school, but I ended up in Idaho with a headshop. Life does not always work according to plan, but hey! If I was not here, chances are I wouldn’t have been so bored with my real life that I went and made online friends like you.

    Also, the last time I got drunk and INTERNET FOREVER’d, I posted a handwritten note on a dirty paper towel referencing Patrick from spongebob on my Go-gurt. I will see if I can find the picture for you. Point being, drink MOAR.

    • DON’T WORRY. I have plans to make a blog post when I’m actually drunk and not just mildly tipsy. I mean, you’ve seen my drunk typing. This was not full drunk.

  14. Look at all those nice semi profound comments and all I have to say is that I am so happy that you included that ASL Jonathan Coulton song from youtube, I am completely obsessed with those videos. I shall now follow you.


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