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Free tickets? You sick fuck.

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If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen this tweet yesterday:

A reasonable initial reaction.

Mike sent me a text and then, knowing that I tend to forget my phone exists, came on Google Talk via his phone to be like “Hey! Check your phone!” And what you see above is true. He was given free tickets to the Red Sox game. I was excited. I’d been to two games before, and they’d won both (in fact, I don’t think I’ve yet seen the bottom of the 9th happen), and both had been super fun. I dance like an idiot when the music comes on.

Clearly, the prospect of going to another one had me excited. I’m not generally a huge Sox fan (or sports fan at all, for that matter). I like to see my home state’s team win, but I don’t have much invested in it and I’m not bothered by Yankees fans, so don’t worry. This isn’t a “woo yeah Sox!” post.

I immediately started thinking up what I should wear.  Obviously, I should wear my Sox hat (which I only own because Mike gets the fitted ones but when he ordered tickets last year they sent him a free hat so he gave it to me). Jeans, probably, because it was going to get late and might cool down quite a bit as Boston nights tend to do. A little bit of makeup. I mean, one of Mike’s coworkers also got tickets and was bringing his fiancee, so it’d be sort of like a double date. Fun! Before actually deciding on an outfit, I looked at the fucking weather. The fucking weather proclaimed that: “100°?! ITS FUCKING HOT”. I was startled. I checked Boston and found the exact same thing.

At this point, I ventured outside of our air-conditioned bedroom for the first time. I struggled to breathe. Gasping for air, I dragged myself to the shower and put it on cold. Mike can attest to the fact that this is a BIG DEAL–I love me some hot showers. When I was done, I tore through my dresser trying to find something appropriate to wear. I eventually settled on my comfy “It’s hot out and I don’t care” dress. It’s made out of material similar to those sweatshirts that people wear in early fall, those ones that don’t keep you very warm. I threw out the idea of makeup, because that shit would run down my face after five minutes of being outside.

I covered myself in spray-on “cooling mist” sunscreen, figuring that we’d be in the sun for at least a while once the game started, not realizing that our awesome seats were under another set of seats and we’d be shaded. The sunscreen turned out to be a HUGE fucking mistake. Walking from our apartment to the car caused me to sweat enough that it was dripping into my eyes, and when I looked in a mirror my face looked like I’d been sobbing, so much did that sunscreen hurt.

We were a little late to the game, showing up as Jacoby Ellsbury hit a home run in the 3rd inning. By the time we went to find food, my entire dress was damp and sticking to me. The sunscreen hadn’t stopped dripping into my eyes, which were not adjusting to the giant lights that illuminate the stadium being just in my peripheral vision. And when it’s 100°, the last place you want to be is in a huge fucking crowd of people. The picture that some lady took that I can now buy for $19.99 makes me look like I applied lipstick as blush and bathed in shimmer powder. I’m not a Twilight fan, so this is a bad thing.

There were a few high points of the night. The girl behind me had one of those spray-bottle-fan-things that would occasionally send brief gusts of cool air my way, or even better, a spritz of water. I seriously considered stealing from a child a couple times. Instead, I folded up my program and used it to fan myself. When the muscles that required me to fan myself got tired, I got to play “good girlfriend” for a little while and fan Mike, because it used completely different muscles. It was an exciting game.

But still. Who the hell says “Oh shit, I have these tickets to this game that I don’t want to go to because it’s so hot I will die. What should I do?” and gives them to unsuspecting fans with no warning? I mean. Who does that? Probably a nice, generous person who knew we’d have a good time anyway, but come on. I maintain that it takes a sick mind to do something like that to someone.

And Mike had to go to work really early, so I couldn’t even make us all mojitos when we got back.


About Rachael

Hi. I'm Rachael. I realized one day that, even though I read a lot of books, I often have a hard time remembering them later on. I guess that happens when there's so much to try to remember! So I started The 50 Book Project, with the intention to read and blog about 50 new (to me) books in 2014. I read a lot of fantasy, but I'm trying to branch out and experience new stuff. Any questions? Suggestions? Let me know! Comment, or email me at

12 responses »

  1. So um, did Boston win? 🙂

  2. I’m starting to believe that the rapture did happen, except the chosen people didn’t ascend, the rest of us just droppped into hell. It’s too fucking hot for any other explanation.

    I do love me some baseball though. Even if you feel like you’re melting into the plastic seat by the end of the 2nd inning…

    • Oh, hooray for WOODEN SEATS! Plastic would have been terrible. Your explanation’s spot-on, though. And there weren’t any chosen people. Jesus looked over our credentials, one by one, hoping to find SOMEONE to be worthy. After he’d looked at every single file, he was all: “Fuck it. Satan, you can have these assholes.”

  3. I was dragged to the TIgers game earlier this week in 95+ degree hea (they were free tickets) and i wore shorts, since it was hot. I assumed there would be some sort of shade and didn’t use sunscreen… the next day, i woke up with red thighs. But only on the front, and it stops at my knees, and if i wear a bathing suit or shorts shorter than the ones i wore to the game, i have this terribly awkward red rectangle, with pale upper thighs.

    sigh. the things we do to be sports fans.

    • There are times when I’m really glad I’m a bit overly paranoid about using sunscreen. This is one of those times. Thank you for this moment of schadenfreude.

    • I too, was at the meld your ass to the plastic seat game at Comerica Park last week. That park is wicked too, because no matter where you sit, you’re ultimately going to be in the sun at some point.

      • Yeah, that’s nice when it’s mid 70s and you want to be in the sun, not mid 90s when you’re dying in the sun haha.

        Also, Rachel, that was a great word. I googled it, and plan on using it twice today. Personal goal.

  4. In a weird coincidence, I ended up with Yankee tickets for the exact same day and brought my 3 teenaged nephews (this is relevent because there is almost no way to convince them to leave early). And I thought I was going to DIE. D I E. I’m pretty sure I had a stroke or something.

    • Does one side of your face look like it’s falling off? If so, you might be right. I’ll try to scrape up some stroke-related advice for you. Good luck with the face and all.

  5. Or maybe it isn’t a coincidence, because douche bags with season tickets are too precious to sit out in 100 degree heat.

    • These weren’t even season tickets! The guy had bought these specific ones and didn’t want to be in the heat. I don’t know. I’m not really aware of the full story behind why we ended up with them, but they weren’t in the “season tickets” area. I think it was an older person who gave them away? Maybe he was worried that he’d have a stroke.


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