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100 Reasons I Shouldn’t Fill Out Stupid Memes

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I originally filled this out back in April, when a friend posted it on Facebook and I thought it might be fun because I hadn’t done one of these since Livejournal and oh my god remember Livejournal?! So. Yeah. I filled it out, but instead of “100 things about me” as the original creators seemed to intend, it ended up being…well, the title up there. And I was looking over it and snickering and I thought, y’know, this thing probably has a home on my blog over there. So here we are. Keep in mind that I actually wrote this in April, so the not all the answers are exactly correct anymore, but I didn’t feel like redoing the whole thing. Are you ready? There’s a QUESTION for you at the end!

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage = Water. I’m exciting.

2. Last Phone call = I called my brother this morning in order to help him locate his phone. Does that count? We didn’t actually talk. I hung up when he found it. So if that doesn’t count, my dad called me this morning to say that we should go over there at 11:30 instead of 11 and I was still asleep so I was very confused about what the phone was and how someone was talking to me through it, so maybe that doesn’t even count. Fuck.

3. Last text message = Received or sent? Last one I sent said “Um. I’m sure they don’t.”

4. Last song you listened to = Actively listened to, or heard idly playing in the background? I think the last full song I actively listened to was “I Wish I Could Go Back To College” from Avenue Q which is funny because I really don’t want to go back to college ever and would actually rather be not in college right now.

5. Last time you cried = Probably sometime within the past few days. I’m not sure. I cry about pretty much everything so I’m sure it was recent.

 

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice = Yes, but not since middle school. I wasn’t actually aware this was a phenomenon in the real world.

7. Been cheated on = Not that I know of. I mean, it isn’t generally the type of thing a person advertises, is it?

8. Kissed someone & regretted it = I can say with about 95% certainty that I have, but I’d be hard-pressed to actually come up with a specific incident where it happened because I generally have the good sense to not kiss people I’d regret kissing unless I’m completely fucking shitfaced. (Actually, if I don’t really remember it later, can I really say I regretted it? I mean, I don’t remember it happening. So maybe no, and if I have, it’s been years. YEARS.)

9. Lost someone special = Once when I was little my family went to Wendy’s for dinner and I brought Bunky, my teddy bear, and somehow left him there. I’m pretty sure I flipped the fuck out and threw all sorts of tantrums and my parents called up the Wendy’s and managed to get someone to hold on to him for me so we could retrieve him the next day, but that night? Horrible.

10. Been depressed = One long stretch of situational depression and I’m pretty sure I get S.O.-S.A.D. I want a lamp.

11. Been drunk and threw up = The last time this happened, Mike was driving me back from a friend’s house and I’d been fairly drunk but it hadn’t seemed that bad, and I totally wasn’t carsick, not at all, until he stopped for gas and then suddenly it was AWFUL and I had to puke in the gas station’s trash can with possibly all sorts of people staring at me but I don’t remember because I was drunk. Lesson: Parting shots are a bad idea.

 

FIRST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Wait, like, in chronological order? Like, what was my very first favorite color ever when I was really little?

13. Or do you want the top three that I like right now?

14. Also, colors all have their place. I’d say green is my favorite, but different greens for different occasions, and there are often times when there are better options.

 

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend = Many within the past 12 months, but it’s hard to place things around the January 1st timeframe. Can we go with academic years? Those make more sense to me.

16. Fallen out of love = No. That would be stupid. Also, what the fuck is with these equals signs? Did the makers of this meme know what a question mark is?

17. Laughed until you cried = Yes. See, sleep deprivation will do funny things to you, and at some point everything on the internet is so funny you’ll cry laughing. I don’t recommend trying to get to this point of no sleep, but if you do, look at some fucking lolcats.

18. Met someone who changed you = Again, within the past 12 months, yes. I’m going to go with “no” since January 1st, though.

19. Found out who your true friends were = No, that’s what last year was for. (Actually, yeah, that was still ongoing 12 months ago too.)

20. Found out someone was talking about you = Am I still supposed to care if someone is talking about me? Hold on. No, my license clearly says I’m over 21, which means I’m almost definitely means I’m over 15, so I don’t think this sorta stuff should be mattering to me.

21. Kissed anyone on your friends list = Uh, yeah. Having a boyfriend kind of does this.

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life = I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Is there some sort of rule that people I know through the internet don’t count as people I know in real life? Are they not real? Like, I’m pretty sure they do actually exist. I feel like I know a lot of them better than the people I see frequently. I’m gonna say all of them, because I don’t believe I’m friends with any fictional characters on Facebook.

23. How many kids do you want to have = I feel like this isn’t really something I can know until I’m there, but I generally lean toward two when I try to estimate. Someday my third child is going to see this and be very, very upset. YES, YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT, BUT I LOVE YOU ANYWAY. DEAL.

24. Do you have any pets = I have a stuffed tiger, Sammy, who is curious and very earnest, and a stuffed fox, Angus, who is a mischievous little fuck and likes to get Sammy into trouble. Please don’t send me to the psych hospital.

25. Do you want to change your name = Like, my first name? No, I think that’d be silly. I mean, if I named myself, it wouldn’t be Rachael, but I don’t have problems with Rachael as a name that was given to me. I plan to change my last name when I get married despite the fact that whatever news station I was watching recently said it will cost me half a million dollars in salary over my lifespan, because I read the study they were talking about and you know what? The way they did it was to ask college students whether they’d hire someone who had changed her last name when she got married and how much they’d pay her. Not really a valid research method there, guys.

26. What did you do for your last birthday = Sushi! We went out for sushi at a delicious place. Mike made me a wonderful cake that has become my go-to for any situations where I need to bring a delicious and impressive dessert. It was an excellent day.

27. What time did you wake up today = My dad called me absurdly early to tell me I could sleep a little later so I technically woke up then but went right back to sleep until my alarm went off at 10:30. (Also, “absurdly early” is anytime before 10. Anytime before noon is just “early”.)

28. What were you doing at midnight last night = Getting home, I think. Possibly interneting.

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = Hm. If I’m not doing it right this instant, I technically can wait. And I could totally wait to be doing this, too. Huh. NOTHING. (Did you mean I should name something I’m very much looking forward to? Oh! Sorry. You should be less ambiguous in the wording of your questions.)

30. Last time you saw your mother = This morning.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = Nothing. I’m happy now, and if I changed anything that had happened in the past, I wouldn’t be where/who I am now. I’d sort of like to fast forward a bit, but I’m sure there will be cool things that I’d miss out on if I did that.

32. What are you listening to right now = Animals outside my house making their obnoxious OMG NIGHTTIME noises. I think I hear frogs and birds and a dog.

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = Definitely. A number of them, in fact. HINT: The number is greater than 1.

34. What’s getting on your nerves right now = I kind of have a migraine problem and I can’t figure out what’s causing them. My doctor told me to keep track of what I’d eaten in 12 hours prior to any migraine and look for common foods or ingredients, and so far I’ve come up with “carbon” and that still doesn’t include the one I got when I hadn’t eaten anything for 12 hours. I’m thinking that maybe it isn’t food-related.

35. Most visited webpage(s) = My inbox and twitter are always open. (That’s what she said.)

36. Eye color = Well, there’s a black circle thing, so that part’s black. And then around it there’s a thing that’s sort of variegated, green and gold, but it changes slightly depending on what I’m wearing so it’s more “chameleon.” And then around that is white with some red lines, and sometimes there are more red lines than other times. I think inside is all red, or at least some shade of pink.

37. Relationship status = Soon to be cohabiting with my long-term boyfriend.

38. Favorite Book = The Great Book of Amber. I’m not really sure if it counts as one book because it’s technically 10 books published in one giant volume but I love every single one of them and Roger Zelazny is a fucking genius. Honorable mentions go to Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett and China Mieville, and no I can’t just pick books by them and honestly I feel a bit cheap just giving them honorable mentions here. They’re better than that. I love ALL the books.

39. Zodiac sign = It just occurred to me that at some point the heading “THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:” stopped applying a long time ago and a new one wasn’t supplied and this is bothering me a lot but actually if I think about it, “This year have you zodiac sign?” kind of makes at least a little bit of sense given the whole changes to the system thing that happened (but wasn’t really put into effect), so I’m gonna say Leo. It used to be Virgo.

40. Do you have a crush on someone? = Not in the usual sense of the word, but there are people I would really love to crush. With rocks. And other people I would like to crush with hugs.

41. Primary school = Where you learn very basic things that you’ll need to know later on in life, except for long division which can suck it.

42. Middle School = Really a continuation of the above.

43. College = Probably going to be a lot more useful than I’m giving it credit for right now, but there are so many goddamn hipsters there.

44. Hair color = I’m not entirely sure. I think it’s sitting on the line between blonde and brown. I will have to go to a store and hold my hair up to a bunch of hair dye boxes and get back to you.

45. Long or short = It’s actually fairly long right now! About armpit-length. I desperately need a haircut to get rid of split ends, but I’m still growing it out. I want super long hair!

46. Height = 5’9”

47. Found a new pet peeve = Since when? Are we going back to the “this year have you” thing? Because if we took a long (unannounced) break from that and are going back (again unannounced), then yes definitely I have discovered a pet peeve. Also, the fact that whether or not there is a space (a) between the period and the first letter of each questiony-thing and (b) before and/or after the equals sign is not consistent is pissing me off because I have to fix every. single. question.

48. What do you like about yourself = I like that I find the world as interesting as I do.

49. Piercings = Generally expected on the ears of American females above a certain age and fairly common in many other locations. I find them interesting and, in some cases, grotesque. I have my ears and belly button pierced.

50. Tattoos = Probably often drunken decisions that people will regret within a month. Seriously. The other day I saw a guy with a “shocker” tattoo ON HIS NECK in the grocery store. Dude, you are never going to get a job. I would like to have a tattoo, but it’s hard to think of something that is meaningful now and will continue to be meaningful for the rest of my life so I won’t regret it.

51. Righty or Lefty = I am codominant. This means that I am left handed in some ways (writing, fencing, chopping things) and right handed in others (most sports, using the TV remote). I usually identify as a lefty, though, because this explanation sort of confuses people.

 

FIRSTS:

52. First Surgery = I had my wisdom teeth out. I got dry sockets. The holes went up to my sinuses, so I got all sorts of mouth- and food-bacteria in my sinuses and then got a raging sinus infection that drained into my mouth via my tooth-holes. I really don’t want to ever have surgery again.

53. First Piercing = I got my ears pierced at Limited Too when I was 11. I don’t remember which side they did first.

54. First best friend = I can remember back to kindergarten. Her name was Heather. She kicked ass. In fact, I think she still does.

55. First sport you joined = Probably tee-ball when I was very little, but I didn’t really “join” that so much as get signed up for it by my parents. So, um, field hockey in middle school?

56. First Vacation = I went to Ireland and England when I was 1. My mom was pregnant with my brother at the time and I enjoyed jumping up and down on her belly. There were frequent sheep-crossings in the road and I got excited every time I saw one and yelled PSHEEEEEEEEEP! BAAAAAAAAH! (Yes, that first P should be there. Yes, it’s difficult to pronounce. No, I don’t know why I thought there should be a P there.) At dinner one night my parents ordered me a mini pizza and it was the most exciting thing in the world to have a whole pizza all to myself. And it was grown-up food and everything! I have a picture somewhere.

 

RIGHT NOW:

57. Sleeping = probably what I should be doing, but I would like to echo the friend I stole this from in the first place in saying how could I be sleeping AND doing this?

58. On the phone = No. If someone called, I would probably stop filling this out until the conversation was over, so again: this would not be compatible with filling out this survey. Also, do you realize what time it is? Clearly not.

59. Eating = Again. I would stop surveying to eat. But no, I’m not eating.

60. Drinking = No. This is getting annoying.

61. I’m about to = answer this question. Wait, I just did that. Answer the next question.

62. Listening to = Survey, we already went over this.

63. Waiting for = Godot.

 

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids = Yes, but please give me at least 5 years before you start nagging me about it if you’re planning to nag me about it.

65. Get married = Probably within 2-3 years.

66. Career = Famous novelist, famous webcomic artist or famous blogger would all work, but if none of them happen I’ll settle for not being famous.

 

WHICH IS BETTER W/ GUYS/ GIRLS:

67. Lips or eyes = They both kind of come together to form general “face” stuff, which is important. Better? I imagine it would be easier to live without seeing than without having a mouth, so I’m going to go with lips. Though we could probably have mouths without lips. Hmm. Also I don’t think this really has anything to do with gender. And really, wouldn’t the one I like more depend on the person I look at? I mean, I’m probably not going to look at someone with gorgeous eyes and be focusing on their average-looking lips. Or vice versa.

68. Hugs or kisses = No. They are different. I can’t say one is better, because sometimes I really need a hug and other times I really need a kiss. This is a dumb question. NEXT.

69. Taller or shorter = The exact same height as me. Seriously. If we are standing barefoot on level ground, I want our eyes to be at the same level. Subconsciously, at least. I never intended to only date people my height.

70. Younger or older = See, the reason these questions are so dumb is that the fact that I have a boyfriend with whom I am very happy, so obviously the answer to what I prefer will be whatever he is because I prefer him. He is older than I am.

71. Romantic or spontaneous = In general? Spontaneous. Being romantic all the time would get annoying. However, an occasional romantic night is nice.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms = Like, on their own? Huh. A disembodied stomach would be really fucking creepy, so I’m gonna go with that. (Seriously. Can you imagine that on a crime scene show? “Ya got anything, Dinozzo?” “Well, Gibbs, the Lieutenant’s stomach is lying on the ground over there—” (McGee vomits. Ducky begins telling a story about an ancient culture that used to remove the stomach tissue from their dead before burial because they believed it trapped the soul inside the body. Palmer bags it. Gibbs smacks Tony. Cut to: Abby, dancing in her lab.)

73. Sensitive or loud = I feel that these are not necessarily mutually exclusive at all in terms of personality traits, nor are they necessarily personality traits. This is officially a stupid question. Moving on.

74. Hook-up or relationship = This should definitely be clear to you by now.

75. Trouble maker or hesitant = I think my alignment falls somewhere around Neutral Good but I like the idea of being Chaotic Good because I’d be more like Batman. Chaotic Neutral would be cool if it wouldn’t mean that I’d basically have no sense of sympathy or empathy.

 

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger = I think so.

77. Drank hard liquor = I have done jello shots with my mom’s boyfriend.

78. Lost glasses/contacts = Once I bought an expensive pair of sunglasses and lost them within 30 minutes. TRUE STORY.

79. Danced in the rain = Of course! It would suck to not dance in the rain occasionally. But I also suck at dancing so it’s more like “wiggle around awkwardly in the rain”.

80. Broken someone’s heart = Yes. My exes all had a habit of not realizing that I’d been unhappy and trying to talk to them and fix things for months until I broke up with them and broke their hearts.

81. Had your own heart broken = No. I actually feel sort of guilty about this. Who the fuck feels guilty for not having had their heart broken? I must be seriously fucked up.

82. Won a bet = I actually don’t know if I’ve done this.

83. Turned someone down = No, actually. Maybe this explains the quality of my previous relationships.

84. Cried when someone died = Fucking…?! YES. What am I supposed to do, throw a kegger?

85. Fallen for a friend = Developed crushes on friends, but never actually fallen for one. Huh. Weird. I never even thought about this.

 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself = Hesitantly. I’m not always completely sure that I exist.

87. Miracles = Yes, but I don’t think they are necessarily good. I think something can be miraculous and bad.

88. Love at first sight = Not exactly. I believe there can be some sort of deep recognition immediately, but it still takes a while to identify what you’re recognizing as the potential for love.

89. Heaven = I believe in reincarnation, and I don’t believe that people get sorted according to how good they were. I believe that after you die, you go to some sort of afterlife and you take some time there while thinking over your life and figuring out what you learned and want to work on in your next one. You’re reborn when you’re ready.

90. Santa Claus = I know he’s real because he rides his lawnmower down my street every day in the summer.

91. Kiss on the first date = Okay, all the rest of these are along the lines of “do I believe these things exist”. I definitely believe kisses on the first date exist. They happen. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in them or not. Kinda like evolution.

92. Angels = “Spirits” are probably more accurate for me because angels are rather exclusively Christian. And possibly other religions that are not mine. I don’t know.

 

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY!

93. Done something terribly embarrassing = Probably by most people’s standards, but I think being embarrassed is a waste of time.

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at one time = No. Though I did have a period where I thought I was polyamorous. It turned out I was actually just unhappy.

95. Did you sing today = No, jaw hurts too much.

96. Ever cheated on somebody = There must be some way that I learned that you can continue to feel like shit about having done something almost four years after it happened and still not have regrets.

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go = I wouldn’t. I guarantee I would fuck shit up. Unless you’re a Time Lord, time travel is probably a bad idea.

98. Do you like apples = As long as they’re not red delicious.

99. Are you afraid of falling in love = This is a weird question for someone who is already in love. I’m not afraid of being in love. Falling in love? Not afraid, but I’d rather it didn’t have to happen to me again in this life.

100. Will you publish as 100 Truths? = No, I’ll publish it as “100 Reasons I Shouldn’t Fill Out Stupid Memes”.

END.

So there you have it. A view into my fragile, bitchy psyche. What’s the most ridiculous question you’ve ever been asked?

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About Rachael

Hi. I'm Rachael. I realized one day that, even though I read a lot of books, I often have a hard time remembering them later on. I guess that happens when there's so much to try to remember! So I started The 50 Book Project, with the intention to read and blog about 50 new (to me) books in 2014. I read a lot of fantasy, but I'm trying to branch out and experience new stuff. Any questions? Suggestions? Let me know! Comment, or email me at dearohrachael@gmail.com.

21 responses »

  1. oh my god. Rachael, see, your experience is why I haven’t had my wisdom teeth taken out. I mean I get the infection in my jaw thing (and dear god, I really tried to get them taken out in the chair), but dry sockets _and_ infections and all that other crap? holy jesus fuckme christ no. How long did it take to heal up?

    As for the migraines, maybe you’re allergic to something. It’s probably all the stupid around that causes them.

    And speaking of stupid, the latest one for me was being asked to take part in a survey about customer satisfaction during a phone call to complain to the phone company about their service… apparently they didn’t get the answer from me already.

    Reply
    • My experience was weird–I don’t think most people’s wisdom teeth connect their mouths and sinuses. And since it was just a sinus infection, it healed up pretty quickly (and since it was draining into my mouth, there really wasn’t the normal sinus infection pain that comes from the pressure built up in there) and somehow didn’t come back.

      I figured out the migraines after a while. (Filled this out in April.) It’s a SLEEP thing. And I have INSOMNIA. The world hates me.

      Maybe…maybe the company needed you to do the survey to file your complaint officially or something? I don’t know. Things like that are stupid. I hate customer satisfaction surveys.

      Reply
  2. Random fact related to question #33: When I was in middle school, I knew a guy named Tom who had a goal for the year to eat an entire sweatshirt. Every time I saw he, he was chewing at the sleeve. Yeah, he was weird.

    Most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked? I don’t really know. The other day and Whole Foods, though, I had my milk and loaf of bread (I was only getting three things) balanced on the end of the conveyor belt, because I figured as soon as it moved up I would put it on the conveyor belt, and I didn’t want to hold the milk, because it was making my hand really cold. The lady in front of me turned and said, in a really bitchy, snarky voice, “Oh, did you want to just go in front of me, then? Since you’re sooo eager.” I was like, what? Turns out all the food on the conveyor belt was from the person in front of her, and she still had a full cart. I apologized very politely, and said I was sorry for the mistake, and she tossed her head and said, “No, actually. If you’d looked, you would have seen that I had a full cart.” And I was all, what, lady? I made an honest mistake, and I apologized for it! What more do you want? I picked my stuff up, and am waiting, because I didn’t understand the situation properly. Jeez!

    So yeah, that was more of a ridiculous situation that happened to have a question included in it. Does that count?

    Reply
    • Oh my god, that sounds like that “my strange addiction” or whatever show where that woman ate 7 couches. Maybe he was a sweatshirt-addict. WHO THE FUCK EATS SEVEN COUCHES.

      I think I would’ve gone in front of her after that, because I don’t like bitches and she was clearly a bitch. Or lit her on fire. That might’ve helped.

      Reply
      • Yeah, I considered replying, “Well, if you’re offering…” but decided against starting a scene in Whole Foods.

        Fire would have worked, too.

        Reply
        • OH MY GOD BITCH. People like that should not be allowed out of their caves of evil to walk in the light of day. I hate people like that so much that I probably would have been all, “Well, actually, since you did offer to let me go ahead, I will take you up on that. As you can tell, I’m a little out of it today, and I probably just need to get out of here as soon as possible, Cunty McTwatface.” Except without the Cunty McTwatface part.

          Reply
          • Next time, I’m totally doing the Cunty McTwatface part. And maybe just that part. Like, someone’s a bitch to me, I go all, “OH YEAH? WELL YOU’RE A CUNTY MCTWATFACE!”

            Reply
  3. Most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked was from a very “not-bright” woman in my office… It was “What’s it like to be born in another country?”

    So, now that doesn’t seem so ridiculous, right?

    What make it ridiculous was that it was asked immediately after I had told her that I was born in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

    All I could do was shake my head and walk away………

    Reply
  4. One of my friends is from Alaska and she has been asked the following questions:

    – Do you have a green card?
    – What is the exchange rate?
    – Are you an eskimo?

    And a surprising number of people think that Alaska is an island down by Hawaii because it’s always in that little box next to it in order to fit everything on the map better…

    Reply
  5. AND (sorry for a million separate comments… I keep thinking of more things I forgot to write…) I also got a dry socket after having my wisdom teeth removed. I believe in a “vicodin isn’t even DULLING the pain” psychotic break I asked my husband to hit my in the face with a sledgehammer… Luckily he didn’t, but it would have felt better than the dry socket….

    Reply
    • I’m going to respond to all of your comments here because last time I responded to multiple comments by the same person with, y’know, multiple comments, I felt kind of silly. I hope that’s okay.

      1 & 2: These people CLEARLY never had to memorize that “sing all the states in alphabetical order” song when they were in elementary school.

      3: My dry sockets didn’t hurt for some reason. Which is why I was so confused when suddenly my mouth was filling with pus. It didn’t even occur to me that I might have big gaping holes in there, because everyone had emphasized that it would hurt like HELL if I did. I’m glad your face is okay, though. I mean, you know. Not hit with a sledgehammer.

      Reply
  6. I’m pretty sure the people who made these “answer one hundred thousand irrelevant questions about yourself!!!!” quizzes are narcissistic assholes. Just sayin’.

    The dumbest questions I get are usually in regards to my height. Such as (while standing behind a counter) “OHMYGAWD are you standing on a BOX!!!!!” (yes, asshole, I usually just randomly stand on things to confuse you, you twat) or “How’s the weather up there, he he he” (gee whiz, you buttmunch, I’ve never heard THAT one before). Makes me want to stab them in the eye with a spork.

    Reply
    • I can sympathize. Once when I was like 15 I went to a new doctor (who happened to be very short) and she asked my mom if whatever disease Andre the Giant had ran in our family. Because I was, like, 5’7″, and that is clearly so tall that it must be some genetic disorder. And this was a DOCTOR.

      Reply
  7. One of the stupidest questions I am asked repeatedly at the gas station follows. I am going to quote it, because every single day at least two people (and sometimes as many as ten) ask this, VERBATIM.

    “The sign on the pump says it’s pre-pay. Do I have to pay first?”

    WHAT THE FUCKING FESOIHGSOHGerohigw; bolush ge;osugh awroighouih

    Reply
    • I’m convinced that people just don’t understand how gas stations work. Otherwise they’d fucking pull up to the front pump instead of blocking all the cars behind them from getting gas. It’s like cockblocking, but…gasblocking. No, that doesn’t work.

      Reply
  8. I’m a professional chef when I’m not being an unprofessional blogger, and have on several occasions been asked why a customer’s Gazpacho soup was sent out cold. If you’re a food fan you’ll realise how ridiculous this is. Also I live on an island that is part of the UK, and we are always asked by mainlanders if they need a passport to come here – we live in the same country, douchebags.
    And Tazer Warrior Princess (amazing name!) I feel your pain acutely. I’m six foot eight. How do these assholes possibly think they are the first to make these cripplingly funny observations of our height?? Every time someone asks me if the air is thin up here, I just respond with “No, but it’s obviously a bit thick down there.”

    Reply
    • I’m an unprofessional “person who likes to cook” and I know better than that. Doesn’t the menu have descriptions? I’ve always seen Gazpacho as “chilled soup” or something. If I were a dude, I would jerk off into anyone’s food who sent their gazpacho back because it was cold and they wanted something else.

      Reply
      • Haha Oh Rachael!! I’m so glad you aren’t cooking my lunch!! I could never do that… too many burning/sharp edges issues for me to want to stand in a kitchen au natural – besides, most people find a 10% service charge on their bill leaves a much worse taste in their mouths. 😉

        Reply
  9. Oh my, this is a difficult decision… choosing between all the random stupid things I’ve been asked over the years – especially while at work. Do I go with the 30-something year old asshole (customer) who asked 14 year old me (working as a cashier in a grocery store) if I was related to Dolly Parton (because, yes, my boobs were huge)? Thanks, dickwad, I didn’t feel self-conscious at all after that. Or how about the time I was asked by my then-manager why I was quitting my job at McDonald’s to go to college? Really? I need to explain that choice to you? Or when I worked for a domestic violence shelter and answered the hotline – and got asked by a very male voice to tell him why corporal punishment is wrong and why he, as the headmaster of an all-girl school, should not be using it and could he tell me about an incident – and that’s when I hung up. Or do I go with the absolutely stupendous moment that the friend of my then-recently-deceased fiancee asked me to suck his **** because he felt like said fiancee was inside him and wanted to be with me? True story… decisions, decisions.

    p.s. I just recently found your blog and I am loving it.

    Reply
    • Holy shit. All of those are…are so dumb. I think you deserve a prize for not killing anyone. Assuming, of course, that you haven’t killed anyone.

      Reply
      • No, I haven’t killed anyone… in reality. My fantasy/dream-life is rife with me killing/maiming stupid people, though. As for my prize, I shall take the Stolen Self-Awarded Blog Award. Thank you and good day.

        Reply

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