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Horrible Medical Advice of the Fortnight: Prescription Warnings

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Has anyone ever noticed a discrepancy between what the images next to the warnings on their pill bottles seem to imply and what the warning actually says?

Honestly, it’s not something I ever really paid attention to. Probably because I never really gave a shit about the warnings on my pill bottles. But yesterday, Mike brought them to my attention, and I must say: this shit is fucked. I’ve taken the liberty of copying the pictures into files here for your enjoyment.

What the bottle says: WARNING: Do Not Use If You Are Pregnant, Suspect That You Are Pregnant, Or While Breastfeeding. Check With Your Doctor Or Pharmacist.

What I’m getting from the picture: This is birth control.

I think this one may actually be the most dangerous.

 

 

What the bottle says: Do Not Take Other Medications Without Checking With Your Doctor Or Pharmacist.

What I’m getting from the picture: This medication may cause you to develop a square head. Also, stop plugging your phone into your neck.

Just a bit nerve-wracking.

 

 

What the bottle says:  May Cause Dizziness

What I’m getting from the picture: This medication may lead to the development of curly-fry eyebrows.

All my pills have this picture on them. I’m checking the mirror compulsively. It seems important to pull out any eyebrows that are sticking up oddly to prevent this side effect.

 

What the bottle says: May Cause Drowsiness. Alcohol May Intensify This Effect. Use Care when Operating A Car Or Dangerous Machinery.

What I’m getting from the picture: This medication will cause you to seduce someone over a glass of wine.

This is on two of my bottles. It seems like it would be in Mike’s best interests to buy me a bottle of wine, no?

 

 

What the bottle says: Take With Food

What I’m getting from the picture: …Actually I’m drawing a blank here. Let’s work on this together, kay?

 

 

 

Option 1: This medication will turn you into Bullet Bill.

You guys played Mario, right?

 

Option 2: This medication is actually a bullet vibrator.

I honestly haven’t tried to find out.

 

So when you’re taking your pills, make sure to look at the pictures. They’ll tell you everything you need to know.

But seriously. What do you guys think that last one is supposed to be a picture of?

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About Rachael

Hi. I'm Rachael. I realized one day that, even though I read a lot of books, I often have a hard time remembering them later on. I guess that happens when there's so much to try to remember! So I started The 50 Book Project, with the intention to read and blog about 50 new (to me) books in 2014. I read a lot of fantasy, but I'm trying to branch out and experience new stuff. Any questions? Suggestions? Let me know! Comment, or email me at dearohrachael@gmail.com.

38 responses »

  1. I think it is a loaf of bread….but I see a penis. I would not take it unless you want to grow a penis, although then you would have something to smack people with.

    Reply
    • Bread? Really? They couldn’t have picked a food that…looks like food?

      I did notice the penis resemblance, but I didn’t want to put a picture of a penis on my blog. We’re all classier than that.

      Reply
  2. Looks to me like a hollowed out shotgun shell.

    “Do not shoot people with shotguns while taking this medication.”

    That’s my best guess. Seems logical, too.

    Reply
    • Huh. Fits with my “bullet” thoughts. You might be right. I mean, they do have all sorts of warnings about what not to do on medications, why not add guns?

      Reply
  3. I agree. It’s a penis. If you don’t eat food with the meds either your penis will half disappear or you will grow half a penis. I don’t think I have ever written the word penis so many times in my life.

    Also, the one with the squiggly line over the eye looks like the eye is actually really pissed off. It’s the angry eye.

    And square head actually looks like a shredded wheat head. Not sure what the warning is for that, but I would avoid whatever it tells you so as not to have crunchy good for you on one side of your head, and sweet and tasty on the other.

    Reply
  4. For the take with food picture it looks like it is trying to imply that the medication will remove foreskin.

    Reply
    • Oh my god. Is this…is this the solution to people who want to circumcise their baby boy for hygenic reasons, but are opposed to the procedure? I think you just solved a whole lot of debate right here. Thank you.

      Wait…wait. It also doesn’t have balls. Is it gonna…no. No, it can’t do that. Can it?

      Reply
      • Well since generally the male ego generally cannot handle a small penis if you look closely it is at least a 3/4 penis in profile. Additionally to avoid being pornographic they left out the balls.

        Reply
  5. I think Emily is right, it’s meant to be bread, but it does look like a penis hotdog to me.

    The deformed guy on the phone I think is a warning about telemarketers. Product may cause phone calls at dinner time.

    The two with the eyes look like masonic symbols.

    Reply
    • This medication may cause you to be inducted into a secret society of penis hotdog telemarketers.

      Y’know, if someone told me that, I think I would need some clarification.

      Reply
  6. Maybe that this medication will turn you into a partial dickhead?

    Reply
  7. Mike (doctor boyfriend)

    It looks kinda like roll-on deodorant to me. Maybe taking those pills will turn you into an elderly woman who uses Ban?

    Reply
  8. For the second one, I thought “don’t take this medicine if you are a slice of pizza”. Last one is definitely a dick. They are telling you don’t be a dick-eating whore.

    Reply
  9. korrine johnson

    It looks like a penis with an escape hatch, or that vehicle that the Ambiguously Gay Duo drives.

    Reply
  10. It says take with food, for me it is a picture of a circumcised man sausage. Therefore take with blow job and a man batter shot. Respectively.
    Ps. Bullet bill makes a close second because Nintendo kicks ass.

    Reply
    • Wait. So if it’s supposed to be bread, but it’s actually a penis, and it means take with man batter, and batter makes some kinds of bread, so…there’s a circle here! It’s all connected!

      Reply
  11. the first thing I thought of was Super Mario…. so I’m going with picture one.

    Reply
  12. At first I thought penis, because, well my head is always resting on the curb…just inches away from the gutter. Then I decided on a shoe (slip on like maybe a croc) so you have to wear croc’s when you take them. Or maybe its about crocodiles but they didn’t want to out and out insult the whole crocodile community by putting a picture of an actual crocodile on the bottle.

    Reply
    • SHIT. I didn’t even THINK of crocodiles. Do you think they’ll be here soon? Or is it a warning like those lotion ads, about my skin getting dry and flaky? Because I use moisturizer.

      Reply
      • Fuck I just thought of something. What if it’s a crocodile penis? Would that mean that you have to get a crocodile off while taking the pills? And if so would the crocodile then go back to his friends and brag about how you got him off and send them to you as well? How do you explain that shit to your neighbors?

        Reply
  13. Ooh Tyra, why do we leave you unsupervised. *giggles* Here I thought it was just an innocent levitating ice cream scoop. Which… means….mmm this medication may cause you to levitate and crave ice cream? Stock up on Breyers and turn off the ceiling fan.

    Reply
    • I could buy that in negative. As it is, the “shaded” part is the part that ISN’T ice cream or a scoop. Maybe it’s a silhouette of one? Even so, you’re in the minority. And I don’t want a compromise because I don’t want penis-flavored ice cream, ever.

      Reply
  14. I was thinking “may cause fingertips to disappear,” which, it follows, would make your fingerPRINTS disappear… The only logical conclusion is that it means “may cause you to commit the perfect crime.”

    Reply
    • Are you kidding? Fingerprints aren’t necessary anymore. If one strand of your hair falls out, you’re screwed. At least. That’s what NCIS has taught me.

      Reply
  15. Oh Rachael,
    I love this! Please don’t make me unsubscribe because I’m your mother. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time! I won’t tell you what I thought the last one was, but I think you can guess.

    Reply
  16. The seduction over a wine glass is my favorite. My prescriptions don’t come with these, though! I am bother!

    Reply
  17. Pingback: Things I Like | tess mackenzie

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