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Every once in a while, something happens that causes me to disappear completely. Nobody sees me except for Mike and the people who see me in class and usually the barista at the Starbucks near school. (Which I can’t explain, because I don’t even do caffeine. I should cut that shit out.)

School starting is one of those things that happens that causes this. For the past few weeks, I have been overwhelmingly busy with homework and this neat new internship I’m doing. On the days that I’m not doing one of those things, it’s because my brain broke down and can’t handle to do anything other than sit on the couch and stare at the NCIS marathon that is inevitably playing on USA, or obsessively read through the archives of Overcompensating, or find out that there’s this book series called The Hunger Games that I somehow missed out on and then accidentally read the entire series in two days and then refuse to acknowledge any inquiries as to whether I cried at the end. I’m kind of a book addict. Sorry. P.S. Anyone who comments with a spoiler will get hunted down by one of my trained assassins, just in case someone else hasn’t read them and wants to.

TL;DR: I’ve been super busy, and on the days that I’m not super busy, I’m fucking lazy. Also kind of burnt out. And really all that’s going through my head most of the time is that I love one of my professors and hate the other, and if I’m honest with myself, you don’t want to read about that.

I’m trying to start keeping a list of things worth blogging about as they come into my head so I’ll at least be able to think of something when it occurs to me that I should write a blog post. If you have any suggestions, I’m willing to take them, but no promises.

Anyway. You’re probably wondering about that “with ANSWERS” thing up there, aren’t you? No? You think I was referring to everything I just told you about why I suck at updating my blog when I also have other things to do? Well then you’re WRONG. (Thought that would be a very reasonable conclusion to draw. Now that I think of it.) I discovered these questions that some dude who was French and had a TV show used to ask every guest he had. They seemed fascinating. They are called PIVOT’S QUESTIONS and I thought I would answer them for you, so here goes.

(Are you excited? I’m excited.)

What is your favorite word?
Do people actually have favorite words? That’s news to me. Does it have to be in English? I wonder how Pivot would have reacted if someone’s favorite word had been in Klingon or something. (I won’t judge you if your favorite word is in Klingon. I just think he would have.) Okay. Mine’s schadenfreude. Which is German but is also technically in English dictionaries now so I guess it’s both. If you’re not familiar with it, it means “happiness at the misfortune of others,” and if you want to really understand it, you should go listen to this song from Avenue Q. You’ve felt it before.

What is your least favorite word?

What turns you on, excites, or inspires you creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?
Books. Good books can do anything the above question implies. Though most of the stuff I ready is too dystopian to actually, y’know. Turn me on.

What turns you off?
In the middle of the night, a train pulls up to a quietly sleeping city. The sounds emanating from the train gradually wake everyone. Just as they’re getting out of their cozy and safe houses to investigate, the train’s passengers burst out. Clowns. But not just any clowns. Fucking clowns. And I mean that literally. A fucking clown train. And I have some very special people to thank for this very specific mental image.

What sound or noise do you love?
Silence. Is that allowed? Probably not. Wait, no. I don’t want complete silence anyway. How about the sound of an air conditioner? Or a loud fan? Or a car engine? I don’t really like noise most of the time but those sounds are very comforting to sleep to. Now that we have the air conditioner off it is hard to sleep in the silence. (Ooh, add that to the reasons I’ve been absent. Lack of sleep. Fucking miserable.)

What sound or noise do you hate?
The voice of Mike’s Grand Theft Auto IV character saying “Howdy, partner” over and over and over.

What’s your favorite curse word?
If I say “fuck,” can it include “fucking”? Because nothing feels better than saying “fuck yes” when something is awesome except maybe saying “fucking” for emphasis. Fucking fuck yes. “Fucking” is more versatile, so I’ll go with that.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Whenever I’m watching NCIS I’m overcome by a desire to be a super badass federal agent. My spy name would be Raptor Fury. Either that or that’d be the name of some mission I was involved in. Or leading. That would be so fucking cool if it weren’t for the fact that I’m a total wimp and would not survive a day as a federal agent.

What profession would you absolutely not like to participate in?
I don’t want to be a teacher. Ever. Or a professor. Too few students would actually care for it to be worth it, and I’d constantly be a nervous wreck about that. I’d end up completely convinced that they hate school (or whatever class I’m teaching) because they hate me, even though it’s more likely that they just hate it in general anyway. Some people say it’s worth it for the one or two kids in your class who actually care and are excited to learn what you’re teaching, but I’d be way too broken up about the rest to be excited about them.

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
I wouldn’t want him to say anything. Going back to NCIS for a second. You know how when Gibbs is really happy about something, he just kinda tilts his head a teensy bit and gets a slightly bemused look on his face and nods a tiny bit? Almost imperceptibly? If you watch it, you know what I’m talking about. That is what I would want him to do. Failing that, I would accept a Caff-Pow.

I hope this has been eye-opening for you. It would be really cool if you answered your favorite question in the comments.


About Rachael

Hi. I'm Rachael. I realized one day that, even though I read a lot of books, I often have a hard time remembering them later on. I guess that happens when there's so much to try to remember! So I started The 50 Book Project, with the intention to read and blog about 50 new (to me) books in 2014. I read a lot of fantasy, but I'm trying to branch out and experience new stuff. Any questions? Suggestions? Let me know! Comment, or email me at

24 responses »

  1. Mike (doctor boyfriend)



    (ok imma actually read this post now I just wanted to be a pain in the ass)

  2. Don’t burn yourself out, love. It’s super easy to do… and makes getting back into the groove that much harder.

    The Hunger Games is a fucking AWESOME series! YESSS. Not gonna see the movie. It’ll be disappointing I’m sure.

    Fave Word? HOSEBEAST
    Least Fave? Moist
    Turnoff? Waking me up with a dick-poke in the back. I’ll cut that shit off, motherfucker.
    Noise? Rain.
    Hated noise? GUM SMACKING.
    Curse word? Fuck, of course.

    …OK my ADD got the better of me and I am done answering your rhetorical questions.

    The end.

  3. Mike (doctor boyfriend)

    If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
    “strong work”

  4. I’m right with you .. I spent all of yesterday obsessed with homework and still didn’t get as much done as I wanted to.

  5. I did the same thing with The Hunger Games trilogy, including maybe or maybe not getting weepy at the end. Of each book.

    Favorite sound? My cats purring.
    Least favorite? People eating, ESPECIALLY if they are sucking sauce off their fingers like they haven’t eaten in four years, when it’s clear from the pile of gleaming rib bones on their plate that they have eaten enough to feed a small family in just the last twenty minutes.

    Okay. Back to homework for me too.

  6. No worries, love. I have been feeling bogged down lately with the blogging pressure as well. Like, “what the hell am I gonna write about this week????” And life always gets in the way. Damn real time responsibilities!!

    Ok, my answers are as follows:

    Fave word: asthetic (just love the way it sounds rolling off the tongue)
    Least fave: Moist (right there with ya, Tazer. Blech!)
    Turn on: too tough, no answer to this right now
    Turn off: Rude inconsiderate selfishly stupid people
    Fave noise: Love the sound of a fan at night to go to sleep to
    Least fave: Chewing with your mouth open
    Fave curse word: Fucktard
    Other profession: Artist or Photographer
    No profession: Teacher
    God says . . . “Eh, good enough . . .”

  7. Pingback: I've Got Answers, Too | The Bitch Blog

  8. I love me some NCIS, but my heart is with Criminal Minds (and Shemar). I’m glad I’m not the only one who, when watching shows such as these, is overcome by the urge to do what they do. Every time I watch Criminal Minds all I can think about is getting into the FBI, moving to Quantico and working in the BAU.

    Sadly, I’ve watched enough of CM to profile right along with em. Those shows teach you SKILLS, man. I can spot a serial killer from a mile away now. AND tell when he’s lying (by the way he looked away, scratched his arm and pursed his lips, all at the same time)

  9. Nothing says job well done like a Caff-Pow!

  10. “Schadenfreude” might be the best word I have ever laid eyes upon. Maybe I’m dumb (maybe…ha), but prior to 5 minutes ago I had never known it existed. In fact, I may just go ahead and legally change my name to that word because it’s just so perfect.

  11. Oh Rachael,
    I had to think for a bit on these. Here are my Pivot’s question answers:
    Favorite word: Lavender- I love the sound of the word. I love the color, the scent and the image of an entire field of lavender.
    Least favorite word: Disembowel – Just Gross
    Turn on: designing and making things, lots of things!
    Turn off: Stupidity, not ignorance that is different, but real stupidity!
    Noise I love: Children’s laughter
    Noise I hate: Loud screeching crashing metal
    Favorite curse word: This may ruin my chances on the pearly gates answer but oh well, No curse word can beat it – Jesus Fucking Christ!
    Other profession: Artist/designer
    Profession I would hate: Judge or anything in a courtroom, refer to turn offs.
    God “You done yourself proud” I either want God to be a true Guido or a sarcastic American of Irish descent.

  12. I love you. The End.
    Not really.

    My favourite word: Moist. Only because so many people hate it and I am a brat.
    What turns me off: A remote control. (joking)
    What Professon Would I Absolutely Hate: Whatever the dead animal onthe side of the road picker upper is called. Nothankyou.

  13. First of all, get yourself a white noise machine (for example, I can’t sleep without one, so I got some rainstorms and shite on my iPod, which I play if I have to sleep in a hotel for some godforsaken reason.

    Secondly, great post. Here are my answers.
    Favorite word: Shirty. I once won a bet with my father that this was a real word. I learned it reading PG Wodehouse.
    Least favorite “word”: Irregardless
    Turn on: reading, writing, photography, singing
    Turn off: people who make snap judgments about me
    Noise I love: I dunno. There might not be any.
    Noise I hate: High pitched beeping or electronic noises, the sound of my cats horking
    Favorite curse word: Fucktard. Shitbag is a close runner-up.
    Other profession: Astronaut/scientist (couldn’t do it because I’m terrible at math)
    Profession I would hate: Garbagewoman, banker
    God: “So, you failed in your quest to live forever – foolish woman!!”

  14. Rachael, I’ve never commented on your post before but a friend sent me one of them a few weeks ago and I was FLOORED. You are hilarious! By all means, don’t ever stop blogging!

  15. “I’ve been super busy, and on the days that I’m not super busy, I’m fucking lazy. Also kind of burnt out. ”

    TRUTH. I’m not even in school, so it’s just regular freaking life that’s snuck up on me. 12 weekends until Christmas and I have something to do every one of them except 1.

    Least favorite word: moist. followed a close second by irregardless.

  16. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
    Ninja. I’m already a chef, so I’m good with knives. Plus, I like the idea of being able to sneak up to douchebags who annoy me and then raining down the death-by-a-thousand-sharp-pointy-blades thing on them. Sorry, my job is kinda high pressure, I like to vent sometimes…..
    Still loving your blog 🙂

  17. So when you rhetorically asked do people have favorite words, I immediately thought – YES! Yes, I have a favorite word! it’s Schadenfreude – let me tell you all about what it is (mostly using illustrations from reality TV as I believe any modern dictionary should just put a picture of the Jersey Shore cast next to it)! And then you said it was your favorite word and there goes my comment…

  18. You’re welcome for The Fucking Clown Train!

  19. What is your favorite word?
    Ubiquitous. It almost sounds like it should be dirty, but it’s not.

    What is your least favorite word?
    Moist. That word gives me the heebies AND the fuckin’ jeebies.

    What turns you on, excites, or inspires you creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?
    Good books, quality music, and ‘What Not To Wear’. . .don’t judge.

    What turns you off?
    ‘Jersey Shore’, men’s cologne, mushrooms, and my ex husband.

    What sound or noise do you love?
    The cooing sound my son, M makes when he sleeps and the snorting sound my son J makes when he laughs.

    What sound or noise do you hate?
    Air brakes on buses, people drumming their fingernails, and that ear-piercing squeal girls make when they see each other. Shut. The fuck. Up.

    What’s your favorite curse word?
    Fuck is so versatile, but I’ve gotta go with douche.

    What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
    I have always thought it would be wicked badass to be in the roller derby. I even have my name picked out: “Jen-O-Cide”.

    What profession would you absolutely not like to participate in?
    I’m a professor, but could NEVER teach children. I love my short people, but other people’s kids annoy the shit outta me.

    If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
    “Nice to see you, Jen. Your husband, Nathan Fillion is waiting for you by the pool.”

  20. Hmm. I am a professor, and you’re right. I’m convinced many of the students hate school, hate me, hate learning or some combination of the above. It shouldn’t matter, because after a certain number of years you get a thick skin, but I’m not quite there yet. So I cling pathetically to the few aspiring students I have, and just keep hoping that those number add up over time.
    On the other hand, it’s a hell of a lot better than a job I had once in college…proofreading barcodes. I kid you not. i had the joy of working in a paper factory for 8 hours a day, where they printed barcode labels for god knows what. I don’t know how many thousands of pages of barcodes I checked each day. It was such mind numbing crap that it’s a wonder I didn’t go completely batshit and swallow my tongue. Hurray for perspective!


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